


Disillusion

by angel_kiing



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom
Genre: Gay Male Character, Gen, Other, Self-Indulgent, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26810875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_kiing/pseuds/angel_kiing
Summary: “For the next three days we’re looking at an oncoming cold front and cloudy skies, so make sure you keep warm by wearing a jacket and thick socks.”Out of all the stories to ingest, this one happens to be the most absurd. The most worthless. Of course it's worthless. Our screaming man B, or Eddie, if you feel so inclined, is nothing more than a stain in this wide grueling world. He's a nobody, but even nobodies feel something, right? What would happen if, I don't know, he fell in love? If you even want to call it that-Falling in love with a serial killer? How original. What happens if we... change it up a bit?
Relationships: Jeffrey Woods | Jeff The Killer/Original Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1 - Night's End

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO. THIS IS REALLY STUPID--- I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THIS BUT I HOPE IT DOESN'T SUCK TOO MUCH--
> 
> Eddie is kinda.... off the shits. Completely unhinged. Have fun trying to figure out what the fuck is going on 'cause he sure doesn't.

“Our top story for tonight: An abandoned storage building had burned down sometime around three o’clock this morning. No one was injured, and the police are still investigating who or what had caused the fire. At this time, no one knows anything about…”

He stared listlessly at his small box TV with disinterest. Despite having a streaming service, he almost never used it. It was a pain in the ass trying to find something interesting to watch, so he just kept the news station on as a sort of background noise. If he didn’t have some sort of distraction, his inner thoughts would eat him alive.

He sat on his dilapidated couch, swirling a can of beer in his hand. He didn’t know why he kept drinking this shit. He hates the taste. Probably because it was cheap and easy to get his hands on. Cheaper than his more preferred drink of choice, vodka.

“For the next three days we’re looking at an oncoming cold front and cloudy skies, so make sure you keep warm by wearing a jacket and thick socks.”

Great. All of his socks were old and had holes in them. He should probably buy a new pack tomorrow if he decides to crawl out of bed before noon. Most of his clothes were old, actually. If he had enough money, he would throw it all away and get an entirely new wardrobe, but his shitty paying convenience store job was barely enough to pay rent as it was. All he had money for was bills, alcohol, and a TV service he never used.

This is life. Wow.

For being only twenty two, he sure was a useless person already. He hated his job. Hated talking to people. Hated leaving his apartment. This one room prison he confined himself to as it was the only warm place he could sleep in peace. He already disconnected from his past life. Everyone in it was annoying, so he cut them off in favor of being alone. And alone he’s been. Alone for about two years now.

The news was over.

Running a hand through his greasy blackened hair, his face scrunched in how disgusting it felt. He should shower tonight. It’s been about a week since he last did. His hair was also getting longer; almost down to his shoulders. If it grew any longer his bangs would be covering his eyes. Maybe if he grew it out he wouldn’t have to look at anything anymore? If only.

It was only eleven o’clock, why was he so tired? His eyes burned as if he had been awake for days, yet he woke up today around the same time he wakes up every morning. If he was going to take a shower he should do it before he blacked out.

Heaving, he lifted himself off of his couch and onto his feet. Stumbling, he set his can down before going to the bathroom. While his apartment was small, he had just enough to make himself comfortable. A comfy futon, a kitchen with all his favorite foods, no distracting knick knacks or stupid collectables. While it was a maxamist’s nightmare having almost nothing, he was perfectly happy being surrounded by nothing.

Though, he did regret not having anything sometimes. If he turned off his TV, he was surely going to go insane.

Taking off his dusty pajama pants and tee shirt, he started his shower. Despite not cleaning often, he did like to take good care of himself when he did. Sweet smelling bath wash, vitamin infused shampoo, and repairing conditioner. He wasn’t always so lethargic all the time, and the gentle scents of his shower products reminded him of his life before he spiralled into a life of apathy. A life where he actually had the energy to be bothered.

Entering the shower, he took a deep breath and felt the hot steam enter his lungs. What a nice feeling. He liked being warm. One of the reasons he hated leaving his apartment was because the world outside was so cold. Literally.

For a good few minutes he stood in the shower. Mind empty, he just stood around and felt the blissful warm sensation of the water hitting his chest and rolling down. It was such a good feeling. A good feeling.

Snapping out of his trance, he started to clean himself.

“Gun powder packed into your blood vessels, the brain goes pop, bomb victims, an idiot’s future.”

Where did he learn those words again? A song, maybe. They were familiar, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He just started spouting nonsense since he couldn’t hear the TV over the sound of the shower. It was fun seeing exactly what words he could string together to see what little sense they made.

The sweet smell of the soap was a little more overwhelming than usual tonight. Probably because he had a couple of beers in him and was already feeling sick before he even got in. The warmth made him less dizzy, but if he would have showered with cold water it would have surely sobered him up a bit. He hated cold showers, though, so he wouldn’t have done that anyway.

“Black white, grey, A, B, days end, non one listens to a black cat even if it was cursed to only tell the truth.”

More words. More soap. It felt good as he lathered the conditioner into his hair. Scratching into his scalp and purring like a cat at his own display of affection. How on earth did he ever turn into such an unhinged man? Off the shits and highly idiotic. At least he was enjoying himself.

If he kept showering he would have to pay the price of a heightened water bill, so he quickly rinsed out his hair and washed the suds off. Just as fast as he had gotten in, his shower was done, and he was a clean man once again.

Soft. The towel he grabbed was soft. He dried off the best he could before exiting the bathroom, hissing at the contrast of heat from his living room and the bathroom. A change of clothes and climbing into his bed would surely warm him back up, though. He did just that. 

Dollar store clothes weren’t that well made, but at least they were decently comfortable. Grey cotton pants and a random band shirt; the usual attire. He forgot about the band and what genre they played, but he guessed it was rock. Maybe if he still had some energy before he passed out, he would look them up and try to remember.

He pulled his couch back end down and clicked it into place. A comfy and warm futon that unfortunately smelled like strong body spray. It made him sick sometimes, but that was okay. It was weird, though, as he didn’t even own the body spray it smelled like. He pulled out the pillow and thick blanket from the space under the futon and got comfortable.

Ah, what a nice place to be. Maybe he just might turn on his streaming service tonight.

He turned on his phone and started checking his social media. Stale, like usual. Death threats towards people he didn’t know or care about, good news, bad news, general fuckery, and a few videos that actually managed to make him chuckle under his breath. His laugh was ugly.

Without turning to face it, he grabbed the TV remote and turned on the little box that controlled his streaming service. Of course, he didn’t really want to watch anything, but the reruns he’s seen a million times already were turning into mush. Something fresh would be a good change of scenery.

He let his phone drop onto his chest so he could pay attention to what he was choosing. It wasn’t a heavy phone, but it did cause him to lose his breath for a second. What an unhealthy man. Not enough nutrients or vitamins are in Hot Pockets, microwave TV dinners, and the occasional snack cake. Orange juice, though, orange juice was where it was at. Delicious. Not the one with pulp though, he hated the idea of having to chew a liquid. Disgusting.

“Cut, cut, cut the read threat that is tied around my thumb and where the end is tied to yours. I don’t have any scissors, so I will have to use my teeth.”

He saw some movie about the lame ass soulmate thing in the recommended, and it reminded him about a song he heard once. It wasn’t really catchy or well written, but he liked it anyway. The guitar solo was cool. If he had any talent in music or could read notes, he wanted to learn how to play guitar. Too bad he was stupid.

A documentary about a serial killer? Yeah, why not. Sounds interesting.

Background noise chosen. Back to his phone he went.

Even more drama, this time about a celebrity he didn’t know. Some beauty personality had said something offensive again, go figure. What a simple minded world we live in, yeah? He scrolled past to the next attraction without bothering to look into it. Why bother indulging in something that doesn’t affect you? Maybe if he was worth anything he would have checked it out, but he isn’t, so he didn’t. 

Being a worthless person has its perks sometimes. No one cared if he didn bad things all on his own. No witnesses means no trouble to get into. He doesn’t do bad things anyway.

A notification? Now?

He pressed on the banner that appeared on his screen. A text from someone he couldn’t remember very well. A friend from high school maybe?

“Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you okay?”

He stared blankly at the screen before replying, “Who is this?”

“Seriously? It’s me, Allen.”

“Sorry, I accidentally reset my phone and lost all my contacts.” He lied.

“It’s cool. Anyway, no one has heard from you in like, a week or so. Are you doing okay?”

Was he really doing okay? Someone on the TV screamed. He looked at it for a second, watching as an actress playing the victim was stabbed with a knife in her living room.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got busy with work and some personal stuff.” He lied again.

“Have you been taking your medication?”

There was an orange pill bottle lying on the counter. It was half full and turned upside down. “I have, don’t worry.”

“You better not by lying to me. I’m gonna come over tomorrow and check up on you, okay?”

He really didn’t want him to, but he wasn’t going to tell him that. Allen does a good job making sure he was okay, even though he hates the idea of another person taking care of him like a common house plant. Nothing but a medicated succulent sitting on a random window sill, unable to get sunshine through the clouds and the cold front that was on its way.

Someone on TV screamed again. Wait, no- this scream wasn’t from the TV.

He sat up slowly, staring at where the scream came from. If he had laser vision, he would be burning a hole into the wall that faced the apartment next door. His phone buzzed, but he was preoccupied to check on it right now. Another scream.

He pulled his blanket around his shoulders and stood up. His head spun again as he walked to the wall and pressed an ear to it. The wall was cold. He wanted to hear what was going on. Of course, he couldn’t hear anything. Why would he? The walls were thick here, so the woman who screamed must have done something very very bad in order to be heard.

A noise. The sliding door that led to her balcony had opened then closed. Without consciously telling himself, he went to his own sliding door and pulled it open. The cool air hit him like a bag of ice and he started shivering. That’s when he saw it. Or, well, saw  _ them _ .

Someone jumped off of the bottom balcony and started walking away from the apartment building. It was a man. He was dressed in a white hoodie and black pants, the fresh red blood blended into the bleak light of the world outside. The man’s hair covered his eyes, but he could see that the man was not normal. Not in the slightest.

A monster in human form. He must have killed the woman next door.

The corners of his mouth were slit open in a sort of smile. It was disgusting to look at, even from here. The man must not have noticed that he was looking at him. He looked both ways before disappearing into the darkness that wasn’t cut open by the streetlamps.

He stared for a few more minutes at the empty street, unable to stop repeating what he had just seen in his head. His face. The man’s face. It was fucked up. Yet, he was awfully intrigued. Instantly obsessed.

Is this love at first sight?

That’s when he heard the sirens of the police cars approaching. One of the other tenants must have called the police when they heard the screams. While he himself hadn’t done anything, he was filled with the desire to run away. The red and blue lights hurt his head. He closed the curtain and went back to his futon. It took a little bit for him to get comfortable again after he had gotten up, but he was once again warm.

He unlocked his phone. An unread text message.

“You still there, Eddie?”


	2. Chapter 2 - The Shape Of My Heart

Morning again. Well, it was morning to _him_. Eleven o’clock in the morning was very much not the morning anymore, yet that’s the usual time he woke up on days he didn’t have to go to work. The clouds had gotten here already and covered the sky just like how the weather lady had said. What a good woman. She was very pretty.

Eddie rolled around a bit on his futon, not wanting to get up yet. It was so warm and so comfortable, even if he had slept on his arm wrong and now his shoulder hurt when he applied pressure to it. He should really start sleeping on his stomach more. Sleeping on his stomach always gave him the most vivid of dreams.

He rubbed his eyes, noticing that the TV had stopped playing and it was completely silent in his apartment. Well, there were noises outside of his apartment, but he didn’t have the energy yet to go see what was going on. With his strained arm, he reached for the remote on the table, missed a few times, but eventually grabbing it. With the press of a button the TV turned back on and it resumed making noise.

Speaking of noise.

Whoever was outside his apartment knocked on the door. Groaning, Eddie willed himself up off of his futon. Such a sluggish and heavy body; what an ugly thing to look at. At least he was clean. He pulled his blanket over his head and held it around his shoulders like a sort of cloak.

He made his way to the door, unlocking it before opening it. Outside was a policeman. The man looked genuinely surprised to see him. Any normal person would, as Eddie was quite a disgrace of a human. Chapped and scarred lips, deep bags around his greyed eyes, and skin pale from not seeing direct sunlight in what feels like months. Or below par nutrition, whatever makes more sense, really.

“Excuse me sir, I’m here to ask you a few questions about your neighbor, Miss Gwendolyn Simmons. She was murdered last night and we would like to know if you have any information you could give us. We tried last night when we first arrived, but you didn’t answer the door.”

Eddie stared blankly at the officer, “Sorry, I have to take medication to help me sleep. I have insomnia. I didn’t even know she was dead.”

That wasn’t technically a lie. While he did lie about not knowing about her death, the insomnia thing was true. Recently he’d been able to sleep on his own again so he stopped taking the pills. They tasted good though, so he was kind of sad he hadn't had to take them.

He doesn’t know why he’s lying anyway. Was it to protect the man he saw last night?

“Eddie! Are you okay?” A voice called from down the hallway. Before he knew it, Allen was embracing him tight in a hug. He smelled heavily of bitter body spray. A good bitter.

“I’m okay.”

Allen let him go and looked at the policeman, “Is everything okay, officer?”

He almost forgot that Allen didn’t like cops. 

The policeman shook his head, “I’m just asking a few questions to your friend here. We’re trying to figure out who killed the woman in the apartment next door.”

Allen looked shocked, “Gwen was murdered? Seriously?”

“Seems to be the case. Suffered three stab wounds to the chest and had her mouth cut open. The thing is, another similar family was murdered two weeks ago in the same way; stabbed and mutilated just like she was.”

“Does that mean a serial killer is on the loose? How terrifying…” Allen let Eddie go, which greatly upset him, as his arms were warm.

“Has to be. The deaths are all too similar to each other to just be a coincidence.” The policeman waved his hand dismissively, “Well, sorry for wasting your time. You two stay safe now.”

With that, the policeman left.

Eddie looked at the door to the apartment next to his. It was covered in caution tape. It looked silly, seeing as it was close to Halloween and a few other doors were decorated with fake caution tape, fake gel blood, and other “scary” things.

“How awful…” Allen sighed before turning to Eddie, “It’s been a while, do you want some tea? I bought some food and drinks if you’re hungry.”

Eddie nodded. While he wasn’t super excited for Allen to be here, he was getting some free food, which is always fun. He let Allen enter first before closing the door behind them. Allen immediately went to the kitchen to make some tea. To call it a kitchen was a joke; it was basically just a fridge, stove, and some cabinets sectioned off from the living room using a half wall. It did its job but was barely a separate room.

“It’s been a while, you know that? I’ve been worried about you.”

“Sorry.” Eddie readjusted his futon back into a couch and sat down, “You know me, I have a habit of disappearing.”

“Yeah, and it really pisses me off.” Allen started boiling some water, “I hope you like steamed vegetables and fried chicken.”

He did, actually.

They stayed in silence for a bit as Allen made their lunch. The gentle smells filled the apartment; smells Eddie hadn’t had in a long time. It was oddly comforting and sort of nostalgic. He was starting to like having Allen over again. He smelled peppers. He wasn’t a fan of peppers.

“Almost done, just have to wait for the water to finish boiling.”

Eddie stared at the TV, watching a children’s show. It was animated in a strange way and he didn’t like it. There was nothing else on, so he just had to deal with it. Before he knew it, the teapot started whistling, but didn’t get to whistle for long before Allen took it off of the burner. Using a tray, he brought their food to the small coffee table and went back to get some cups. He looked like a housewife. It was kind of cute.

Eddie stared at Allen as he brought the teapot over and poured each of them a drink. He was a very pretty man; short brown hair that covered his forehead, dark brown eyes, and a singular small mole next to his left nostril. They were the same age and had been in the same graduating class. His life ended up so much better than his own after high school. Where did it all go so wrong for himself?

“Here, it’s orange. I know you like orange things so I picked it out specially for you.” Allen handed over a cup.

Eddie slinked off of the couch and onto the floor in order to eat his lunch. It smelled good and he bet it tasted just as good, too. When he took a bite, his suspicions were confirmed. Delicious. He was envious of how good a cook Allen was. For a split second, he thought about what it would be like having him as a wife- cooking and taking care of him. Maybe then he could finally stop being such a waste of a person.

“It’s such a shame Gwen is dead, she was such a nice woman.” Allen gazed at the TV, which was finishing up its children’s programming and getting ready to play its adolescent-aimed shows, “Why do you think they killed her? Everyone seemed to like her, even her exes. She was too nice for anyone to want to see her dead…”

“Dunno.”

Allen took a bite of his cheddar covered broccoli. He wouldn’t eat the things unless they were drizzled with cheese, “I know you don’t leave your apartment often, but with a serial killer on the loose, I want you to be careful anyway. You never know these days.”

The clouds rolled across the steely sky, not letting a single patch of sunlight through. Right, these days. What day was it again? What month was it? He couldn’t remember very well. He did remember last night, though. He remembered it well. That man’s face; it was grotesque yet so mesmerizing. His heart skipped a beat thinking about him.

“I did read somewhere, though,” Allen said, bringing him back to reality, “That family that was murdered two weeks ago? They said that they still haven’t found the youngest son yet, and believe that he’s the killer. It’s like one of those bad scary stories you read on the internet…”

“A distant memory so locked away, I smile even though I can’t remember your face anymore. I smile and smile, yet it won’t bring your memory back.”

Allen gave a weary smile, “You’re still just as ditzy as ever. When was the last time you checked in with Dr. Page?”

“Dunno.”

“You don’t know?” Allen’s face turned sour, “Eddie, you really have to take better care of yourself, I can’t keep babying you. You’re twenty-two, for fucks sake!”

Eddie took a sip of his tea, “There isn’t anything wrong with me.”

“Yeah right,” Allen pointed his fork at him, “You’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression, you’re an alcoholic, and Dr. Page thinks you might also have schizophrenia. You’re a bucket of problems and you refuse to let yourself get better.”

“Is that a problem?”

Allen slammed his hands down onto the table, startling him, “I swear to God Eddie, you’re getting on my nerves! What the hell happened to you three years ago? You used to be such a normal guy, and now look at you! You’re living in a run down apartment, you barely bathe, you cut everyone out of your life, and you waste away here like a caged bird! I’m trying to help you!”

He’s right. Where _did_ it all go so wrong? In high school he was the top of his class, he took his medication, and had a healthy relationship with a girl he’s long forgotten about now. He was the best track runner their school had ever seen. Scholarships and grants were begging for him to accept them. He had a bright future ahead of him.

Then, the summer he turned nineteen.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose.” He croaked. His voice was horace in his throat and he felt like he was about to cry. What a crybaby. A weepy child still lingered behind his grown eyes.

Allen noticed his mistake in raising his voice and sat back down, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just… I’m so frustrated. You’ve been taking your medicine, right?”

He nodded. Of course he took his medication. His head hurt if he didn’t, and he hated it when his head hurt. Good children take their medication without complaining. Bad children must swallow their pills without anything to wash them down, “Yeah.”

Allen set his fork down. A cleaned plate is always a good thing; it meant a good meal, “How about we go out today. I think some fresh air would do you some good. How about visiting the park? Or the outlet mall? You could go for some new clothes.”

What good timing. He was just thinking about picking up some new socks as all his other pairs were worn clean through. Eddie gave a small smile, “Sounds good.”

Picking up their dishes as he stood, Allen went to the kitchen and set them into the sink. “If we’re going, you better get dressed. It’s freezing outside today.”

“A cold hand, a cold thread that connects my finger to yours. It tightens around the pinky until the frozen wind cuts it off.”

Allen chuckled under his breath, “That band you like, what was it called again? Monstereo? You sure quote them a lot.”

Eddie took off his pajamas and got into a black pair of pants and a random shirt. When he looked down, he noticed that it was their merch again. How many of their shirts did he own again? It doesn’t matter. It took him a few minutes to get his socks and boots on, as he forgot how to tie them again. Concentrating hard, he finally remembered that the bunny is supposed to jump into the hole. Success.

When Allen handed him his coat, his nose scrunched in disgust, “Eddie. When was the last time you did your laundry?”

“When were you here last?”

Allen groaned, “Good Lord- Okay, when we get back, we’re cleaning your laundry.”

With that, they both were on their way. The thought of warm, sweet smelling laundry kept Eddie in high spirits.

The sky was darkened with clouds and the smell of rain was thick in the air. People passed them by, giving Eddie strange side glances when they got close. He was used to this, though. He was quite the sight- such a disgrace of a human. A walking and talking bag of flesh worth less than a handful of dirt. He was okay with this, though.

The outlet mall wasn’t very far from Eddie’s apartment building. Though in the cold it seemed much further than it was. His fingers started to get cold, so he stuffed them into his pockets to keep them warm. Oh how he hated the cold. Allen seemed to be fine, though.

They walked side by side, but after a while Eddie started to feel tired again. His pace slowed and he turned sluggish, falling a few steps behind Allen. After a few minutes, Allen noticed him lagging behind, stopped, grabbed his hand in his own, and pulled him along. Eddie stared at their collapsed hands. His hands were just a little bit smaller than his, yet they were so much warmer. They were so warm.

“I don’t want you to get lost,” Allen said, “Just hold onto my hand and try not to fall behind so much, okay?”

“Okay.”

A pleasant feeling bored its way into his chest. It was a kind feeling. A welcome feeling. It was the same feeling he had when he saw that man last night. He liked this. This feeling was warm, and he liked warm things. The outlet mall wasn’t far now. Now that he was just a little bit warmer.

That’s when. Time seemed to slow down.

The clouds stopped moving in the sky. The breeze stopped biting him through his coat. He turned his head and locked eyes with someone passing them by.

The man was just a bit taller than he was, but it was hard to tell exactly how tall he was due to the heels on his boots. His face was covered with a black face mask, only revealing the wide greyed eyes that hid gently behind his black hair. He was wearing a white hoodie under a long black trench coat, his hands stuffed into the hoodie pocket. He didn’t blink. His eyes were ringed with black as if smeared with ash.

Snapped back to reality, the man was gone.

Allen turned around, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Fine.” Eddie shook his head to fully return his mind to now, “I’m fine. Just got distracted.”

“If you say so. The outlet mall is just over there, are you thirsty?” Allen smiled, “I’m in the mood for a coffee, you?”

Coffee was bitter, and no matter what he ordered they never put enough sugar or creamer in. The bitterness made him want to gag. Though, it _was_ that time of year, and a warm peppermint hot chocolate did sound yummy.

He felt like he was being watched.


	3. Chapter 3 - No Talent

God, was it already evening again? Another day passed without a single hitch. How odd. How odd.

He was just a little bit sad he couldn’t see the sunset. The colors that lazily faded into the darkness of the night always made him feel at peace. The golden rays of the sun that disappeared as quickly as they came. It made him feel alive. It made him feel real. Like he was important.

Allen had left a little while ago. After they had gotten him some new clothes and a package of socks, they went out to get an early dinner before going home. The taste of the beef stir fry still lingered on his tongue. It was a warm taste; smoky with a hint of the garlic they seasoned it with. He liked garlic. Good thing he wasn’t in love with a vampire, then.

The new socks were nice and soft. Allen used a bit more fabric softener than usual when they did his laundry, so his pajamas smelled extra sweet tonight. Finally clean of dust and grime, he felt like a new person. Maybe this person could be worthy of some form of love?

It wasn’t so bad tonight. It was actually quite serene. As a gift, Allen had bought him a big scented candle to light whenever he felt sad. He said that he felt bad for being busy all the time and wanted to make it up with something nice. The flame of the candle flickered gently on the coffee table, being the only source of light in the room besides the TV. It smelled like red apple and pine. It was almost nostalgic.

Eddie was wrapped in his blanket, also freshly washed, and like usual, stared blankly at the TV. He couldn’t pay attention to whatever rerun was playing at the moment.

His mind was all too occupied by that man.

In his head he could vividly remember each detail about him, though the bottom half of his face was still fuzzy as he didn’t get a very good look at it the first time he saw him. He wanted to see him again. He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to be close to him. Closing his eyes, he pretended that the warmth of his blanket was the man’s arms wrapped around him instead. A smile creeped onto his face thinking about it.

What a strange man. He wanted to know more about him.

Ah, he was thirsty again. Pulling the blanket tighter around him, Eddie stood up and walked to his fridge. The main part of his apartment was basically just one room, the kitchen and living room separated by a singular half wall. When he pulled the door open, he was upset to see that the light bulb had burned out.

The fresh can of beer he grabbed was cold, but was a good kind of cold, so he didn’t mind. There was good cold and there was bad cold. A nice cold beer was good, the cold that seeped into your clothes as you wait for the bus in winter is bad. The can hissed at him when he popped the tab open and took a long drink.

“Good evening, I’m CiIlia Harris, and this is your eight o’clock news. Our top story tonight: a young woman was murdered last night in her apartment. This story may be too graphic for younger viewers and those easily disturbed, so please watch with caution.”

Eddie turned to face the TV, his ears perking at the pretty woman on screen. Her thick curly hair was tied into a big puffy bun, and her makeup was a lovely dark palette that brought out the light brown of her eyes.

“Miss Gwendolyn Simmons, age twenty three, was heard screaming at about midnight yesterday, and when police arrived on the scene they found her stabbed to death in her bedroom.”

He made his way back to his couch and sat down, readjusting his blanket so he didn’t sit on it. He crossed his legs and set his can in the little hole they made. The cold seeped through his pants, but he was too occupied by the TV to notice.

“Simmons appeared to have been stabbed with a large kitchen knife three times in the chest, and her face was cut open as what the police had described, to resemble a smile. There were no witnesses to the murder, as Simmons lived alone, and was only found due to her screams waking up the neighboring tenants.”

It’s true, he heard her. She died quick, too. It’s impressive how the man managed to kill her so quickly, cut her open, and leave so nonchalantly. Eddie was in awe.

“Police have connected her murder to the murder of the Woods family two weeks ago, as both seem to have been preformed the same way as each other. The youngest son, Jeffrey Woods, age twenty, has been declared missing as his body was not found with the rest of the family. His blood was found in the bathroom sink, but all traces of him have vanished. Police believe Jeffrey Woods is the killer and have put out a warrant out for his arrest.”

Jeffrey Woods.

That name rang in his head like a gentle little bell. It had a good sound to it. Was that the man he saw today? It has to be. Even if it wasn’t, he liked that name. That’s the name he was going to stick with even if it wasn’t true. It sounded good on his tongue.

“We advise everyone in the immediate area to make sure their windows and doors are securely locked at night.”

Eddie took another sip of his beer.

“And now, our three day forecast: while it will remain cold, the clouds should clear up in about two days. Tomorrow, the high is expected to be about thirty-two degrees, twenty-nine on Tuesday, and back to thirty-two again on Wednesday.” The woman turned to someone off screen, “It’s getting pretty cold, isn’t it? Really makes you want to stay inside and drink some warm apple cider.”

“Yeah, and honestly it really puts you into the Christmas mood, doesn’t it?” A man’s voice said.

The woman gently laughed, “Right! Christmas is in two weeks, I had almost forgotten!”

Christmas. Right. He wasn’t raised religiously, so most holidays were just fun things that distracted him from the dreary everyday. His family _did_ celebrate Christmas, but it was focused more on love and seeing family than it was for anything else. He saw Christmas more as a romantic holiday than a religious one. He wanted to walk a golden lit street with someone who cared about him.

If he was lucky, he wanted to ask that Jeff guy to hold his hand. He smiled at the thought of them walking hand in hand, window shopping at the outlet mall, laughing and having the night of their lives. It was soft. A soft and gentle dream that had creeped into his head.

He dozed off. The can of beer in his hand was slowly getting heavier and heavier as he fought to stay awake. Wait, if he was going to fall asleep, he should probably get his bed ready. Taking a deep breath, he downed the last of his beer before throwing the can away and standing.

Like a ritual, he clicked the back of his couch in place and brought his pillow out from under it. When he settled back in, his back cracked from being hunched over for so long. It was a good crack. The kind of crack that makes you wonder how the hell you stayed in such a shrimp-like pose for so long.

He had work in the morning. It was Sunday, and he had the weekends off. The clouds should be gone Wednesday morning, or Tuesday night if the winds take them away early. He wanted to see the sunset again.

Man. The cold was settling in again.

Eddie turned to his side, watching the TV with blurry eyes. He was such a fuck up, wasn’t he? Allen was right, he used to be such a good man, when the hell did he let himself get so distant? It was just hard for him, is all. Everything was.

A memory of how bad his legs hurt after running a track meet. A memory of the girl he used to hold close and call his dear. A memory of broken glass and blood. A memory of the hospital room and the frantic cries of the doctors who thought that he was dead. A memory of the stinging pain he felt trying to put his life back together. How much it hurt forgetting it all.

It was cold again. He hated being cold.

It’s been a long time since he’s cried. First it was only a soft little tear, but as he kept thinking and thinking, they only increased with each thought. Oh how easy it would be if he could just stop thinking for once. Ugly, fat tears rolled down the side of his face and it was getting hard to breathe. His nose became clogged and after a few sniffles it started running. His body was shaking as he just cried and cried.

“I’m tired of being alone.” He croaked to himself, “I don’t want to be like this anymore.”

The face of that man appeared again. This time, instead of the gnarled and grotesque face he remembered- it was gentle. Soft silver eyes, comforting red scars that indented his cheeks, hands that caressed his own so kindly. This. This was the person he wanted, the person he needed. No one else could come close.

So bad did he want to find him again. Jeff.

Eddie closed his eyes. If he stayed up any longer he would wake up late. Wiping his face of snot, he rolled over onto his stomach. Sleeping on the side hurt his shoulders and sleeping on his back gave him nightmares, so the stomach was the most logical way for him to sleep. His futon was just a bit softer and his blanket a bit warmer than usual. Maybe the stray comfort from his dream was keeping him content?

After a little bit, he finally fell asleep.

Morning came eventually. It was a long night.

Eddie’s eyes crusted over and he thought he went blind. Using a heavy hand, he peeled the disgusting stuff from his eyes so he could finally see. Even with the balcony door closed he could hear the playful chirping of the birds outside. It was a cute noise.

Right, morning was here. Time to get ready for work.

Sitting up, Eddie held his head from the sudden rush. Work started at nine. He clicked his phone open and saw that it was seven thirty. He had enough time to clean and get his things together before having to catch the train. The Monday morning trains were always late, this is a definite fact. For the past two years he had never rode a Monday morning train that was on time.

Without skipping a beat, he went to the bathroom and started a shower. Autopilot was a bitch of a function, as he only realized he was even showering when he was half way through scrubbing shampoo into his hair. He was on fire today! Maybe he could treat himself to something extra sweet for breakfast today.

Once he was finished, he dried, changed into his work uniform, and double checked to make sure all of his important things were in his pockets, he was already out of the door. He had a habit of forgetting things, and had to double or even triple check to make sure he didn’t miss out on putting something into his pocket. Apparently he was so good this morning that he pulled a lighter out of his pocket that he didn’t even know was in there.

It was a twenty minute walk to the train station from his apartment, and since the outside world was usually too busy for him, he kept his headphones in on the entire commute to work. That band he liked played on shuffle, and he couldn’t help but nod his head to the beat.

It was strange. He was in such a horrible mood last night, but this morning he was without a care in the world. The loose strings that pulled on everything were cut and he was free to run around as much as he wanted. It was strange. How strange. Maybe a good night's rest was just what he needed to reset his sour emotions.

Before he knew it, he was already at the train station. From here it was a short jump to the next station and he should be at work in less than twenty minutes. Wait, no, make that twenty five. The Monday morning train was always late. That was okay though, he could wait a bit.

More and more people entered the platform to wait for the train along with him. Eddie gazed around a bit, his fear of being in public drained from his mind due to his high spirits. His eyes wandered to the platform across from his own. There were people over there as well, and they were all mixed in variety. Tall people, wide people, darker people, those with red noses and those who were smart to wear a cloth mask to keep their faces warm.

And a person who returned his gaze.

Blinking, Eddie stared into the eyes of the person standing directly in front of him on the opposite platform. That black hair. The dark rings. His white hoodie was replaced with a black one that blended into his trench coat. It was him.

Slowly, Eddie took a step forward. Then another. Then another. His feet were over the yellow line and another step would cause him to fall off the platform onto the tracks. Jeff stood motionless as he watched him closely. By the look in his ashen eyes, he wanted him to fall. A sadistic desire flashed across his face as Eddie teetered forward and back, wanting so desperately to take another step.

The train was here on time today.

Scaring him out of his trance, Eddie fell over backwards onto his back, shaking as the doors of the train hissed open. The morning commuters all piled on, not paying him any mind as they stepped over him. Quickly, he pushed himself back onto his feet and got on, too late to claim a seat. He grabbed onto a handle before looking around, but couldn’t find Jeff anywhere. The rush was finished, and the doors closed once more.

Was he… willing to die?


	4. Chapter 4 - So Boring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long, I was busy with other things and didn't have any motivation to write (T ^ T

The events of the morning stayed in his head no matter how loud he turned up his music. His shift was coming to an end, yet he couldn’t help but find his head wandering every second he wasn’t paying attention. When something needed him, he had to grab it with his bare hands and push it back into his head. It smelled rotten. It was squishy and rotten.

Stocking the freezers, counting the cash register, mopping the floor, trying not to gaze out of the window too often, sneaking snacks and drinks in the areas he knew the broken camera watched. It was almost five, so more and more people were getting off of work and coming in to get gas, some food, or alcohol. He let the kids steal if they wanted; no one cared enough around here. At least, he didn’t.

Eddie pulled apart the plastic packaging of a case of cigarettes and placed them on the shelves behind the counter. The smell of the fucking cancer sticks made him sicker than anything. Even the strongest of alcohols didn’t make him want to gag like these things did.

He checked out a man who paid for some whisky and a pre ordered pizza. When no one was around he sat behind the counter and played with a cheap collectable lighter. The warmth felt good against his fingers. Don’t think like that, he never kept his fingers above the flame long enough to get burned, only to feel the heat. He wasn’t stupid. Well, he wasn’t  _ that  _ stupid.

Come on, it was so close, he just wanted to clock out and go home already. If he stood in place for too long his knees would start shaking.

Leaning against the counter, he stared listlessly at the bottles of alcohol that caught the light from the overhead light bulbs. It was better than thinking about earlier. Man, what the hell was he thinking? He could have died! But he didn’t. He didn’t. He was close, but he didn’t.

The look in Jeff’s eyes wasn’t the look he was hoping for. It wasn’t of longing, or whatever other crappy cliche shit he was expecting. It was a look of desire, but that desire was for bloodshed, not romance.

He was mad. He was mad Jeff wouldn’t cooperate.

The next time he saw him he was definitely going to tell him how upset he was. Eddie scratched the back of his neck. Sighing, Eddie closed his eyes and saw that gentle version of Jeff in his head again. Softly, ever so softly, he smiled at him again. His lips, though dry, looked soft and warm. Oh how he wanted to lean forward and kiss him. So bad did he want to feel his arms wrap around his thin shoulders and hold him close.

He kept scratching at the back of his neck.

Swaying from side to side, Eddie smiled at himself as he thought and thought, lost in his own little dream world. You know what? He could forgive Jeff. It was probably just a big misunderstanding. He was making a big deal about everything. Right, right, instead of being upset, he was going to confess himself to Jeff the next time they met.

And if he didn’t accept him… he didn’t know what he was going to do.

Eddie grabbed a pocket knife from the counter display. The camera that overlooked the counter was faced the other way, so he was a-okay taking it. It was light in his hands. When he flicked the blade open, he almost dropped it. It was small, but it was a sturdy piece of metal nonetheless. It was completely black, probably the stealth model of its kind.

Right, okay. If Jeff didn’t accept him, he was going to plant this little knife into the center of his forehead and go home. It would be a waste of a pretty face, but at least he knew no one else could take him away if he was dead.

“Hey Eddie-”

“Wah-!”

Eddie jumped backwards, dropping the knife and slipping. He tried grabbing the counter, but his hand wasn’t fast enough and he ended up crashing onto the floor. The world spun around him as a sudden pain filled his entire ability to think. He must have hit his head on one of the baskets that held spare goods behind the counter. The warm face he saw disappeared.

“Holy shit, Eddie are you okay!?”

That was Allen’s voice.

Missing a few times, Eddie finally managed to grab the edge of the counter and heave himself back onto his feet. The white pain was still thumping in his head; a throbbing and uncomfortable pain he was a little too used to. His breath was heavy as he tried getting it back. Allen grabbed his hand, his brown eyes filled with regret.

“I’m so sorry I scared you, are you okay? That looked really painful.”

Eddie blinked, still trying to recollect himself, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Allen sighed, “Don’t lie to me.”

He nodded, trying to make Allen feel better, “I really am, it’s fine.”

“If you say so.”

“So, I was wondering…” Allen brought out his phone and looked at it a few seconds before returning his attention back to Eddie, “When you get off in a few minutes if you wanted to go out to get dinner with me, or something…”

There was a gentle air between them, and it wasn’t from the cold draft that drifted between the doors. Allen’s cheeks were a soft pink, and when he realized that he was blushing he brought up his scarf to cover it. Why was he acting so strange today? They go out for dinner together often, why is this time so different? Whatever, free food is free food. Eddie wasn’t going to complain about that.

“Sure. Where were you wanting to go?”

Allen looked up, his eyes wide, “You really want too?”

Eddie shrugged before walking around the counter and heading to the back, “Why not?”

“I mean…”

He entered the back room before Allen could finish his sentence. It was time to go home now. Eddie packed his things before pressing his employee number in the machine to clock out. Once he heard the confirmation beep he sighed deeply. Thank God, he could finally leave. He hated it here; it was always so loud. Between the music on the radio, the customers during rush hours, and the food that he needed to prepare on call, it was exhausting.

He left the back room and went back to see Allen still standing where he was when he left. The setting sun that barely peeked from the clouds behind him made him look something like an angel; radiant and bright. Smooth skin, fluffy layered hair, and a tall stature he used to his advantage. He was so pretty yet still single. He just never had the time to date, at least, that was his excuse.

“Are you ready to go?” Allen asked.

Eddie nodded, “Where did you have in mind?”

They both walked out together as the next employee for the evening rushed in. They were a bit late, but it wouldn’t matter as long as they logged in to the system as fast as they could. Eddie noticed that they were wearing a new perfume today: it was spicy, but in a feminine way. Very unlike them. They probably got held up at their other job as an escort.

“I was thinking about the Chinese buffet at the next station over, is that okay?”

Eddie nodded. Man, how long has it been since he’s been to a Chinese buffet? Some vegetable egg rolls and steamed spiced beef sound really good right now. While chop sticks hurt his hands when he used them for too long, it was a pain he could tolerate in exchange for yummy food.

It was getting colder as the sun was setting. The clouds were a bit sparse today, but still stuck heavy to the sky like wet cotton. It should clear by either tomorrow evening or Wednesday morning, depending on the breeze. Eddie pulled his coat a little closer to his chest. Fuck, he really hated the cold.

“Hey Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

Allen readjusted his scarf, “Do you mind if I… hold your hand? Rush hour is about to start and I don’t want to lose you in the crowd.”

Eddie nonchalantly grabbed Allen’s hand in his own, “Sure.”

Though they were both wearing gloves, Eddie could feel the warmth from Allen’s hand. It was calm and happy warmth, the kind shared between lovers. Allen sharply inhaled when he grabbed his hand, nudging his nose into his scarf to hide his deepening blush. Eddie didn’t notice the awkwardness and kept going as if nothing was off.

They got to the train station quickly, but not quick enough. There was already a crowd there all waiting to go home. Eddie was silently thankful. He didn’t want to be anywhere near the yellow line, not again. If he fell entranced again and actually fell onto the tracks he knew Allen would be sad. He didn’t want Allen to be sad. His crying face is cute, but not a face he wants to see due to his own death.

“You hungry?” Allen asked, “I sure am. A hot bowl of chow mein sounds really good about now.”

Eddie smiled, “It does, but I’m in the mood for some spiced beef myself.”

“Do you think about anything besides meat?”

“Vegetable egg rolls, too.”

“Right,” Allen gave him a big smile, “I forgot you like those. I’m more of a cream cheese egg roll guy myself, but the vegetable ones are good, too.”

The train was on time like it usually was.

All the passengers boarded the train, packing in tight without room to breathe. Allen tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand, not wanting to let go. They didn’t get a seat, so they were forced to stand together instead. Suddenly, to make more room, Allen pulled Eddie close to his chest, hugging him as not to let him out of his sight.

Eddie was shocked, but quickly melted into Allen’s embrace. He smelled sweet; like apple spice. It was a holiday cologne he was wearing. With the scent, the warmth of his arms, and the feeling of protection, Eddie fell in love.

He closed his eyes, and lo and behold, his face was there again. The arms that were wrapped around him were not Allen’s, but Jeff’s. The scent was not Allen’s, but Jeff’s. He didn’t want to open his eyes. He was too entranced with the sudden sense of love he had been looking for. A sweet smile crept onto his face as he dreamt.

Before he knew it, they were at their stop.

A few people got off with them, though they still had to fight their way through strangers in order to get out. They barely made it in time; Eddie’s coat almost got caught in the doors, but he managed to escape without being reeled in with the train as it left. They held hands again as they made their way down the streets to get dinner.

The smell of the restaurant was both sharp and peaceful. It’s been a while since he’s been out to eat at a place like this, so the feeling it gave off was nostalgic foreignity. Allen went ahead and got them a table specially for two- it would be foolish to get one larger if no one else was going to be joining them.

Eddie marvelled at the Chinese decorations, the paintings on the walls, and the delicious looking food they passed by on their way to their table. His stomach growled when he caught a glimpse of the slices of fresh beef he was looking forward to having.

Allen took off his coat and set it onto his chair, “You don’t have to wait for me, go ahead. I’ll be over to get my plate in a second.”

He set his own coat down before happily making his way towards the buffet. The lights of the displays and the smells were a bit overwhelming, but if he danced around with them he wouldn’t feel as sick. The plate he grabbed was just big enough to hold all the foods he wanted to try. Ever since he was a young boy he always felt bad if he couldn’t eat even just a bite of everything he wanted. He thought it was disrespectful to the chefs if he didn’t taste all of their hard work, and to this day he always has a little bit of anything that looks remotely tasty.

With his plate full but not everflowing, Eddie happily made his way back to the table where Allen already had his own food. Just like he said, Allen had a bowl of chow mein and a side of fried rice. Damn, that’s what he had forgotten, some fried rice. He should get some on his next trip.

“Thank you for the meal.”

Allen smiled, “It’s nothing, you don’t have to thank me.”

They ate their meals in remote silence. Barely even looking at each other. There was some sparkly Christmas song playing over the radio, but Eddie was too occupied with his food to pay it any mind. A family across the room laughed at something he didn’t catch. They looked so happy despite a few of the children getting upset and wanting to go home. A baby started crying at the loud commotion, to which a woman picked the poor thing out of its high chair and went outside to calm it down.

It smelled of cheap alcohol, and Eddie took a deep breath to stop himself from drooling.

Allen sighed, taking a bite of his rice before setting his chopsticks down, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Eddie. About you.”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” He spun his drink around with the straw, “I was just wondering… are you seeing anyone? That’s a dumb question, you never leave your apartment… what the hell am I saying...?”

Eddie dipped a piece of broccoli in a small cup of soy sauce and placed it in his mouth, “Am I seeing anyone?”

“I’m sorry, just forget about it.”

“I am.”

Allen looked up in shock. His brown eyes seemed to reflect something, something that hurt. His mouth was left agape at Eddie’s words, trying hard to properly process them. Those simple two little words pierced through his heart, yet Eddie didn’t notice.

“Yeah, I recently met someone and we hit it off really well.” Eddie smiled, his bottom lip cracking, “I was hoping to confess to him soon, actually. What about you?”

Allen looked deep into Eddie’s dulled grey eyes, his heart rate skyrocketing. His breathing turned ragged as he was still desperately trying to understand. 

What? What? What?

Eddie? Seeing someone? On top of that, another man? What? When did he ever get time to have a love life? The bastard was a recluse! Barely ever left his apartment! What bullshit is this!? What the fuck!?  _ What the fuck is this!? _

No, he needed to calm down. It’s okay, it’s all okay.

“W-Who is it?” Allen’s voice cracked as he resumed eating in order to prevent Eddie from becoming concerned over his awkwardness. It didn’t really matter, Eddie was as dense as a fucking doorknob, he was way too far in his fairy tale world to notice that the color drained from Allen’s face.

Eddie smiled as he pushed the last of his food around on his plate, “Oh, I don’t think you’d know him. He’s a man I met a few days ago,” He had to stop himself from mentioning the murder part, “He’s kind, and he’s strong, and he’s got a really pretty smile.”

Leaning forward, he could feel the stolen knife press against his hip, “It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt like this for someone else, it feels almost unreal.”

There was a faint glint in Eddie’s eyes that made Allen want to cry. He never looked at him like that, but when he talked about this man, his face lit up and looked completely different than the normal Eddie. It reminded Allen of the face he knew in high school, the face that laughed at silly jokes, the face that excitedly kissed his girlfriend, the face that smiled sweetly looking at the sunset. A face he thought he lost under all that blood so long ago.

“I see… If he makes you happy...” Allen said. His throat was so bitter and dry that the words almost didn’t make it out. 

Eddie nodded, “He does.”

Recomposing himself, Allen smiled and stood, grabbing their finished plates, “You in the mood for desert? I can go for some cake, myself, ahaha-”

“Yeah, actually. You think they have macarons?”

“Probably not.”


	5. Chapter 5 - Blood Thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops Angel took a very long time writing this out, please don't hate me. Have some spice to tie you over... some very confusing spice

It was night again. He had work again tomorrow. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, off the weekends. That’s how it’s always been, and how it will probably be for the rest of his life. That is, unless he gets up off of his ass and actually puts effort into making himself a better person. Who knows when that will ever actually happen, though.

Back again he sat on his couch, wrapped in his blanket as the TV played some random show in front of him, keeping his little brain entertained. What a dumb man. In spurts he could be a functioning human being, but he was usually too filled with booze to do anything with himself. Too liquored up, too sad, and too vulnerable. A joke, really.

There he goes again, being too hard on himself, like usual.

Eddie threw his empty beer can into the small trash bin across the room, a cocky smile on his face when he managed to get it on the first try. Okay, that was pretty good.

Days only repeated at this point. The only difference between the past few weeks and the rest of the year is the bustling of the crowds shopping, going out on dates, or spending time with family. It _is_ that time of year, after all. Made him want to do that stuff too, but he still hated the cold. It was a little better when he had someone there with him, but he only had Allen, and he’s been acting strange ever since dinner. When they parted ways, he could have sworn he saw tears in his eyes.

The little black remote was cold in his hands despite his apartment being quite warm. He changed the channel, then changed it again, and again. There was nothing on at this time of night, at least, nothing interesting. Reruns, bad movies, more reruns, and a shitty drama he had only heard bad reviews of on the internet. Something, something, serial killer love drama romantisizing murder.

Oi, now that he thought about it, why the hell was acting like this, anyway?

Eddie clicked through channels haphazardly, rotating the numbers over and over again even if he saw something interesting. The channels went up in number then reset to the bottom, going around and around and only hearing little snippets of whatever was playing for a split second before disappearing. He hammered the button on the remote, his eyes wild and disoriented. He was dizzy again.

Through the split seconds he thought he heard something.

“Do- Do- Do- Do- Do- You- Love- Me-?”

Without stopping, his mind wandered. Right, what the hell was he doing? He started thinking about earlier; why did Allen look at him like that when he mentioned he was seeing someone? Was he _really_ seeing anyone? Yeah, sure, he was seeing Jeff, but last time they were even close to each other he almost walked face first into the fucking tram.

Right, back to Allen. He seemed upset when Eddie mentioned another person. Well, upset is quite a soft word to describe the wildness that was in his eyes- he was more distraught, shattered, devastated.

Eddie was dumb, not stupid.

Allen was trying to hit on him.

When he realized exactly what had happened, he lurched off on his couch and onto the floor, an audible cracking noise when his skull hit the wood. In the fall, he ended up dropping the remote and the suffering of the channel button was lifted. Pain was temporary in this situation. He had to find his phone.

Eddie didn’t notice that he had broken the skin on his forehead and that it was bleeding profusely despite the wound itself being quite small. Whatever, that doesn’t matter right now. He was a dense fucking man. He didn’t even realize that the reason Allen treated him to dinner was because he wanted to go on a date! He held his hand not because he wanted to keep track of him in the crowd, but because he just wanted to hold hands!

What a fucking idiot!

His phone wasn’t on his futon, wrapped up in the blanket that caused him to fall in the first place, or on the kitchen counter. Where the hell was it? Would Allen even answer the phone at ten at night? Was it even ten? He lost track of time after the second beer. Opening every cabinet in his kitchen, Eddie was determined to find that stupid little black box. He needed to tell Allen that he did in fact like him back, he absolutely _had_ too!

“Here is the news for 9 o’clock. Yet another victim of the mysterious serial killer has been identified.”

Eddie stopped dead in his tracks.

“The victim was Jeremiah White, completely unrelated to the previous four victims. Police are placing an urgent warrant for the arrest of Jeffrey Woods, the only suspect investigators have any evidence against. If you know or have seen the suspect at any time, please contact the police immediately. Any and all information are greatly appreciated for his arrest.”

He completely forgot about Allen.

Standing listless in his kitchen, Eddie watched the TV in both horror and fascination. Displayed on the screen next to the newscaster was a photo of Jeff, completely different to how he looked when Eddie saw him prior. His skin was pale, but not white like how Eddie remembered it to be. Instead of long black hair that reached his shoulders, it was short and a lovely shade of brown, almost auburn. Or that could be the subpar quality of his TV at play. 

Wait a second.

A distant memory crept into his head, one he had shut out after the months he spent in the hospital all three years ago. That man looked so familiar, so familiar, but from where? His hands started shaking as he felt his body go limp. Bracing himself onto the counter, he felt a strange, almost sickening feeling drape over him. A realization.

Before the accident. Before he was reset. Before he was turned into the mush of a human seen today. Before he was drained of all thoughts, all personality. Before the medications had caused him to become numb to the idea of death and pain.

That kid, that kid.

Randy. Keith. Troy. Allen. Vivian. Yvette. All of them, himself included. The milk they poured into his hair. The bugs they forced him to eat. The tacks they put into his shoes. The things they stole from him, regardless of worth. The time they stole his clothes and took photos. The bathroom stalls they locked him in.

While he didn’t go to high school with him, him and Allen were roped into torturing him in hopes of gaining popularity. Convinced that the world was kill or be killed, even though that was never true. The college Eddie only attended for a few months before the accident. The accident that ruined his brain and his chance of living normally in society.

He was one of the kids that caused Jeff to snap.

“No way. No way. No way.” He said over and over again, trying to convince himself that this was all just a coincidence. His breath quickened, but he was so out of it that it only made him more light headed than before.

Is that the reason why Jeff had been watching him? Following him? Did he recognize Eddie and was killing to get his attention? The thought of that scared him more than anything. Scared him? He was willing to die earlier, why was the idea of being murdered by him scaring him? Was it because he had forgotten about the awful, awful things he did before the accident? Why is he slowly remembering things before the accident but not the accident itself? Was it so traumatic that his mind refuses to remember at all?

Who the hell is Eddie?

Eddie slid down the counter, covering his face with his hands. Everything was so overwhelming. The sudden wave of memories, the alcohol, the cold of the tiled floor. Inhuman sounds bubbled in the back of his throat, imitating that of crying. He felt like he was suffocating.

Were the memories he was suddenly getting back even real? Was it the alcohol at play making them out of thin air and what he saw on TV, or were they actual events his mind removed from his self conscious? Trauma is funny like that. Instead of actually facing the reality of this situation it simply blocked it out and moved on.

His coat sat on the counter across from him and he hastily remembered something. Weakly standing, he used the edge of the counter to pull his heavy body up, trying not to let his nausea overtake him. He grabbed the coat and started rummaging through the pockets. It took a few tries, but he eventually pulled a small black hunk of metal out of the left side pocket. It was the knife he stole earlier today.

It suddenly got very, very cold.

Eddie froze in place, unable to move from the rush of absolute terror that suddenly gripped onto him. He was shaking not just from the cold, but the fear that was now boiling deep in his body. Something told him to run, something told him to flick the knife open and fight for his life, but he couldn’t move.

“You.”

Tears welled in his eyes.

“You’re the one who’s been watchin’ me, aren’t you?”

Gripping the knife so tight in his hands that his knuckles turned white, Eddie fearfully turned around, his body screaming at him to flee. It was exactly who he thought it was standing there by the balcony window. Though silhouetted by the street lamps, Eddie could still make out the dark rings around his eyes and the deep, open wounds on his face that resembled a smile.

It was none other than Jeff.

“Answer me.”

Though he wanted too, no sound came out of Eddie’s mouth. When he opened it, his throat seemed to protest and closed when he tried to speak. All that came out were odd breaths that sounded like he was gasping for air trying not to suffocate. Despite not being underwater, he felt like he was drowning.

Jeff closed the sliding door before coming closer. What a gentleman, am I right? Eddie, still frozen, managed to lift the knife up as if to defend himself. Too bad he was too terrified to open the blade and was trying to make himself feel safe using a useless piece of metal.

In the yellow of the dulled kitchen light, Jeff was just as disgusting as he remembered when he first saw him. Stringy black hair that looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks, just hanging off of his head and covering portions of his face haphazardly. Half-burned white skin that looked to be healing despite how deep they seemed to be. And the most disgusting yet memorable feature, was the gnarled edges of the scars that seemed to curl upwards after so many times they had been torn open. How Eddie could see inside of Jeff’s mouth when he talked and the small dribbles of blood that sometimes dripped out when he opened his lips too far. He looked nothing like the photo on TV.

Eddie took a step back, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks, “Gh… Go away…”

“You saw me a few nights ago after I murdered that loud bitch next door. You passed me by hand in hand with that fuckhole. You were there at the train station willing to get your guts rearranged all over the 8:30 commute,” Jeff grabbed Eddie by the shirt and pulled him close to his face, “Why the sudden interest in me, why now!?”

Shaking, feeling like he was going to piss himself, Eddie couldn’t even force himself to look Jeff in the eyes. For a split second he slipped backwards into his dream world, but just as quick was pulled back out. Jeff’s tight grip on his shirt kept him ground in reality, though he wanted so bad to cut his fingers off. He wanted to open the knife and do just as he said he would; to plant the cold blackened metal into his forehead and call it a night.

How he wanted to fight back, how he wanted to bite him like an animal, how he wanted to beat him to death with his bare hands. Yet there was another voice, another head on his shoulders. One that wanted to embrace him, one that wanted to kiss him gently, one that wanted to feel the warmth of his body against his own. A halfwit, two headed, contradicting fuck all that couldn’t pay attention to shit even if it was gripping onto his shirt and forcing him to look it in the eyes.

His silence was pissing Jeff off.

“You’re that kid from college, ain’t ya’? The quiet one that stood behind everyone else as they tried to kill me, yeah?” Jeff couldn’t help but smile, his dilated eyes turning even more crazed, “You sure turned out worse than I did, didn’t ya’?”

Jeff let his shirt go, and since he was the only thing keeping him up, Eddie fell onto his ass and slammed the back of his head against the counter. Instinctively, he curled into a ball and held where he got hit with his hands. 

“Everyone was worried when you suddenly disappeared from classes. No one knew where you went or what happened to you. Not a few months later did this,” Jeff motioned at his face, “Happened to me. And honestly? I was worried about you, too. The fuck happened?”

Eddie stopped shaking, “I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

The sudden change in his tone made Jeff uneasy. Before, Eddie was a bumbling mess of a person, but once he asked that, his entire demeanor changed. He was stiff, listless, but mostly he turned attentive. Like a switch was flipped and the black of his heart turned white. Something changed inside.

Eddie dropped his hands down, no longer cradling his head, “I don’t know. I’m only now starting to get back pieces of my memory from before that day. All I remember was blood, and glass, and the months I had to spend in this hospital recovering.”

“The smell of the medicine is bitter, isn’t it?”

“So bitter that I wanted them to kill me. If I knew that I would have turned out like this, I would have asked them to kill me instead of bothering to keep me going.” Eddie’s eyes were clouded as he fiddled with the knife in his hands. He forgot who he was talking to for a second, just spilling words out of his mouth without any regard to who heard them. He was fizzling out of his breakdown.

“We’re not so different, are we?” Jeff said as he knelt onto the ground, “Two fucked up people just trying to survive.”

“I don’t kill people.”

Jeff laughed. It was hearty and warm, “Right, you don’t kill people.”

Inching closer, Jeff placed his hand on top of Eddie’s. His breath hitched in his throat as he looked up, forgetting that he had blood on his forehead from earlier. Before he could have time to react, Jeff was on top of him, their faces inches apart. Eddie could smell the rotten musk that lingered around him, but the smell was awfully sweet in a way. This was it, the confession! His heart pounded in his chest as the dream he kept so dear seemed to be within reach.

He completely forgot about Allen. He forgot about earlier at the restaurant. He forgot about the feelings he was too dense to understand. He forgot about the fact a serial killer had him pinned down in his kitchen, with the knife he stole positioned above his head.

Before he knew it, it was too late.

That was. Until his cell phone rang.

The two of them snapped back to their senses at the sound of the default ringtone that echoed through the silent apartment. Jeff hoisted himself up off of Eddie, dropping his knife onto the floor. The piercing clank the knife made made Eddie’s heart start up again. A reanimation process that only took a split second to start.

“You better answer that.”

Dazed, Eddie stood up despite still unable to properly grasp onto the reality presented to him. He reached into the coat pocket, this time the right side, and pulled out his phone. When he got to it it had already stopped ringing. Looking up, he realized that Jeff was gone; nothing left and no proof he was ever there in the first place. Was that even real?

Eddie unlocked his phone and checked the call log. Without hesitating, he pressed the call-back button and pressed the frozen glass against his ear.

It rang.

Once.

Twice.

Click.

“Hey, were you sleeping? I didn’t mean to wake you if you were.”

“No, I wasn’t. At least, I think I wasn’t. What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about earlier today, at the restaurant? I must have made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. I was just… I really-”

“You like me.”

There was a hesitation on the other end, “I… I do. I’m sorry. I know you’re seeing someone, but I wanted to tell you anyway.”

“I’m not seeing anyone.”

“W… What?”

Eddie’s eyes were dark as he turned off the kitchen light and went back to the living room, “I lied.”

“You… Lied? Why?”

“I don’t know. I just did. It’s a bad habit of mine. After work tomorrow we can talk it over, okay?”

“Eddie, you sound strange, are you okay?”

Was he? His infatuation seemed to be melting out from his eyes. The bitterness, the hollowness, the dream he was so infatuated with. Everything was so confusing. Nothing made sense, nothing clicked into place. What the hell was going on anymore? Did he love Jeff or not? Did he love Allen or not?

“I’m okay, just a little drunk is all.”

“You really have to stop drinking so much, okay? I’ll meet you after work tomorrow and we can talk at my house. Now go get some sleep, you don’t want to wake up late and miss your train. Good night.”

“Goodnight. Love you.”

Another hesitation, “I… I love you, too.”


End file.
